Maintaining open, cooperative communication can feel overwhelming for families coming out on the other side of a high-conflict divorce or separation. However, in these situations, parents still need to find a way to raise their children together. Parallel parenting provides a way for parents to jointly care for their children without becoming entangled in each other’s lives. It establishes clear boundaries and reduces conflict, all while keeping the children’s best interests at the heart of all interactions and decisions.
What Is Parallel Parenting?
Parallel parenting is a parenting arrangement in which former partners keep their contact as minimal as possible while still jointly raising their children. Instead of maintaining constant communication regarding the children, each parent is entrusted to make the decisions they want when it’s their parenting time. There is often less conflict in parallel parenting, meaning children are protected from experiencing high levels of tension and witnessing parental arguments that may negatively color their perception of either parent or a specific situation beyond their understanding.
Parallel parenting tends to work well for high-conflict families due to communication focusing on essential logistics rather than emotional exchanges. Parents can alternate attendance at events and use written forms of communication, such as email or a parenting app, instead of interacting face-to-face.
The Differences Between Parallel Parenting and Coparenting
There is sometimes confusion between the definition of parallel parenting and coparenting. While the ex-partners are jointly raising their children in both cases, some key differences set the two styles apart.
In coparenting, the parents try to present a united front in most matters. They work as a team to establish rules, attend their children’s activities together, and share decision-making responsibilities. Co-parenting is generally considered to be the ideal arrangement, with parents working jointly to continue raising their children after separating. But separation can be difficult, and not every couple is able to work together effectively.
Parallel parenting, on the other hand, does not use a collaborative approach between the parents. Each parent sets their own household rules without expecting the other parent to enforce the same ones at their home. Each parent makes their own decisions regarding their children when the children are in their care.
To put it simply, coparenting prioritizes cooperation and unity, while parallel parenting focuses on distancing and conflict reduction.
The Benefits of Parallel Parenting
So, when is parallel parenting preferred over co-parenting? In general, the higher the level of conflict between parents, the more they may benefit from using parallel parenting as a strategy for raising their children.
The benefits of parallel parenting include:
- Reduced Conflict: By limiting communication, parents reduce the frequency of arguments, creating a more peaceful environment for everyone.
- Emotional Protection for Children: The parallel parenting style helps shield children from ongoing tension, preserving their emotional wellbeing.
- Clear Boundaries: Parallel parenting establishes distinct lines of responsibility, reducing confusion and power struggles.
- Continued Parental Involvement: Even if the parents are unable to work together, parallel parenting allows both to remain active in their children’s lives.
- Potential for Future Cooperation: Over time, practicing parallel parenting can decrease tensions and lay the groundwork for collaborative parenting arrangements in the future.
Tips for Successful Parallel Parenting
If it becomes clear that parallel parenting is the right choice for your family, there are several ways to help everything go smoothly:
- Establish a Plan: Create a thorough parenting plan that includes schedules, drop-off locations, and communication protocols. This plan will help reduce the chances of confusion and keep the need for communication between parents minimal.
- Use Written Communication: Only communicate with your ex-partner through email, text, or a coparenting app. Keeping all interactions in writing reduces misunderstandings and keeps emotions in check.
- Focus on the Facts: Stay objective at all times. Discuss practical matters such as pick-up times or medical appointments without drifting into personal arguments.
- Avoid Face-to-Face Interactions: If possible, limit in-person exchanges.
- Respect Each Household’s Rules: Do not try to control what happens at the other parent’s home if you have both agreed to a parallel parenting style.
Contact Goranson Bain Ausley Today
If you’re facing child custody issues or struggling to establish a productive parenting arrangement, the experienced team at Goranson Bain Ausley is here to help. Contact us today to learn how we can guide you toward a stable solution that protects your child’s best interests.
