Counseling
By the time many prospective clients contact a law firm regarding a divorce, surprisingly few have sought assistance from a therapist or marriage counselor. Often, those who have tried marriage counseling have really engaged in the process, usually with several therapists over a significant period during the marriage. We frequently encounter individuals who have never tried any form of counseling and view divorce as the only available option. For some, the act of filing for divorce — or even just consulting with a lawyer — feels like an end in itself, hoping to communicate seriousness or stand up in the marriage.
Is there any going back? While we don't have concrete data on our clients' private cases, experience indicates a notable percentage of divorces involving parties who have not engaged in marriage counseling result in withdrawal of the action, reconciliation, and a costly and public start-and-stop routine often leaving lasting scars. Some clients return years later for another attempt at litigation, sometimes with counseling in between.
For this reason, we advise exploring the option of marital counseling and/or individual therapy, where practical, to address not just symptoms but the root of the discord. Such a journey may save a marriage, reduce costs, protect a childhood, or at least help narrow down conflicts to be addressed more effectively with a lawyer or mediator.
Mediation/Co-Mediation
If you're reading this, chances are you are aware of mediation, may have explored it, or might have experienced a failed mediation effort. Mediation is usually an informal process where an attorney, social worker, psychologist, or other trained neutral helps both parties identify issues, bridge gaps, and reach compromises. The success of mediation often depends on the commitment level of the parties. On the other hand, a party unwilling to compromise and focused on punishing the other spouse may find mediation less effective, influenced by the neutral's skills and resources.
A mediator, even if an attorney, does not represent either party in a divorce action. They are not a judge either; the mediator's role is not to decide the case or determine what is fair but to facilitate the process and help parties create an agreement that considers financial nuances and, when applicable, a parenting plan tailored to their situation.
A failed mediation may sometimes lead to further entrenched positions. An attorney mediator, despite familiarity with the case, cannot ethically represent either party afterward and cannot be called as a witness in subsequent proceedings. If mediation fails, parties must start over; there is no "picking up where you left off."
Co-mediation allows divorcing couples to benefit from two neutral professionals. While mediation can be effective, one party might feel as though they "won" or "lost," due to perceived empathy from the mediator. This perception can result in one party feeling they chose the "wrong" person to resolve their dispute. Co-mediation addresses this by involving two professionals who bring balance and equity to the process. Models often combine the experience of a family law attorney with the insight of a licensed clinical psychologist. Co-mediation helps parties identify issues, navigate the court system, and prepare enforceable agreements on matters like property division and child support, assisted by therapeutic expertise in stressors, at-risk children, substance issues, and conflict resolution. Co-mediation can often succeed at a lower cost than litigation.
Litigation
When counseling is ineffective or not attempted, and mediation fails or is not feasible due to one or both parties' unwillingness to participate — or due to significant emotional barriers — litigation becomes the remaining path forward.
Litigation involves filing a lawsuit, paying the filing fee, and navigating the legal process with its rules, procedures, and local practices. Litigants in state court, whether represented by a lawyer or not, are presumed to know these rules, outlined in the Connecticut Practice Book. Despite its simple name, this publication spans multiple volumes and hundreds of pages, making it challenging for litigants to master civil practice, filings, motions, discovery mechanisms, and the judge's role in a divorce case.
Contact Us
If you have any questions about pursuing divorce counseling, mediation, or litigation in Connecticut, or wish to consult an attorney regarding a legal matter, please contact Joseph C. Maya and the attorneys at Maya Murphy, P.C. at (203) 221-3100 or Jmaya@mayalaw.com to arrange a free initial consultation.
