The common dynamics of failed relationships often make it difficult to think clearly and make good decisions, especially in the early stages of divorce. While my education and training has been focused on the legal and business aspects of divorce and becoming an effective advocate, it is equally important to help clients navigate the emotional aspects to facilitate good and thoughtful decisions. Helping our clients work through their emotional divorce starts with listening to understand his or her perspective when their marriage is broken down. Often, we find that there is an inability to work through wrongdoing and blame and the claim “you hurt me” sends couples spiraling. People generally resist being held responsible for causing harm. The “offender” feels threatened, overwhelmed by shame and guilt. And serious hurt that goes unacknowledged leads to accumulation of resentment and the deadening of the relationship. Whatever the issues, differences have become a point of crisis and the question of who is right and who gets their way is unresolved. Each party digs in and works hard to convince the other that he or she is “right,” becoming further polarized. Commonly our clients bring that history to us wondering how the divorce process will address fault, blame, and their need for vindication. Simply put, it will not. Rarely is a spouse held fully accountable for past hurts.
These obstacles can be overcome. One of the ways we help our clients is by spending the time to not just listen to their grievances and concerns, but also helping them have a calm, clear-eyed and focused view of the work that needs to be done to gather the evidence and information necessary to support their positions. By giving our clients information and guidance as to their rights and realistic assessments of potential outcomes, we empower them to take control of their life. By focusing on the future, we help with the process of resolving issues rather than remaining mired in negative emotions.
Helping develop a “game plan” or strategy for presenting a compelling narrative in support of our client’s desired outcome provides a foundation for the resolution of the emotional challenges of our client’s divorces so they can make educated and practical decisions that move their lives forward.
We look to find creative, practical solutions as the cornerstones for negotiating favorable resolutions. Negotiating allows control over the result. Among the benefits are an end to the cost of ongoing litigation, keeping our client’s personal business, private, and letting go of past hurts to move forward powerfully and confidently towards a happier future.
