Divorce is a life-changing event that can leave anyone feeling isolated, overwhelmed, or unsure of what lies ahead. As a friend, your support can make a significant difference during this challenging time. But knowing what to say to a friend who is getting divorced and offer them meaningful support can be complicated.
What to Say to Someone Getting a Divorce and What Not To
When supporting a loved one or friend through a divorce, focus on being empathetic rather than offering advice or judgment, as their feelings about the divorce may be complicated and conflicted, and what you mean to be supportive may be interpreted as judgmental. Ultimately, you want to let them know that you’re there to help whenever they need it without overstepping your bounds and trying to fix everything for them before they ask.
Here are a few examples of what to say to someone getting a divorce:
- “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. How can I help?”
- “You’re not alone. I’m here for you whenever you need to talk.”
- “This must be so difficult, but you are strong and I am here when you need support.”
Statements like these are clear and inherently supportive.
How Do You Help Someone Going Through a Divorce?
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution for what your friend is going through, so how to help a friend going through a divorce often simply comes down to continuing to be a good friend. Stick with them as they make their way forward and provide the support you’d want during a difficult time.
Be a Good Listener
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just listen. Your friend likely has a lot they want to process; offer them the opportunity by giving them your full attention, withholding advice, unless it’s specifically asked for. Knowing what to say to a friend going through a divorce often means saying very little and just letting them share their feelings.
Provide Practical Help
Offering support in the other areas of their life can sometimes be the best way to help someone going through a divorce. Divorce often comes with logistical challenges, from moving to financial management. You can support your friend by:
- Helping with child care or errands
- Assisting with organizing or packing if they’re moving
- Sharing resources, like financial advisors or therapists. If someone you know needs legal guidance during their divorce, you can always have them contact us to see how we can help.
Include Them in Social Activities
One of the main reasons people want to learn how to support someone through a divorce is because they notice that their friend or family member has stopped spending time with them. Social isolation is common during a divorce, and it may take some time before they’re willing to socialize again. However, you should continue to extend invitations to activities like coffee, walks, or group outings, even if they continually decline. They’ll still feel included, even if they don’t choose to go, and this can help them regain a sense of normalcy.
What Not to Do
It’s important to understand what to say to a friend getting a divorce and how best to support them, but it’s equally important to know how to avoid missteps that might make your friend feel worse.
Here are a few don’ts while helping someone through their divorce:
- Don’t pressure them to share details they’re not comfortable discussing.
- Don’t badmouth their ex, as their feelings may fluctuate.
- Don’t push them to start dating or “move on” before they’re ready.
Knowing what not to say to a friend going through a divorce is also important. Even if you have the best intentions, saying the wrong thing can switch the focus of their negative emotions to you. For example, you should avoid saying something like “You’re better off without them” or “They were never a good fit for you anyway,” especially if you haven’t heard them express similar thoughts. Statements such as these sound supportive, but when stress levels are high, they can also sound judgmental or better knowing; like they knew this was bound to happen from the beginning. If a friend going through a divorce misinterprets your words of support, try to approach the misunderstanding with grace and understanding.
Remember, as you make the decision to support your friend during their divorce, you are doing so much more than offering a compassionate ear, you are cementing a friendship and showing up in meaningful ways that speaks to how much you value that friendship. That’s not something that a friend will soon forget.
Goranson Bain Ausley is Here to Offer Legal Support
When a friend going through a divorce needs additional support beyond what your friendship can offer them, the family law office of Goranson Bain Ausley is here to offer pre-divorce guidance, divorce coaching, and Collaborative Divorce, among other focused and effective family law services.
